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The Lifestyle & change Mindset

9 Apr

I feel bad because I tell myself I can’t do all I used to.  I think I am not the same.  I am the same just a bit wiser.  Some things I hope I never go back to like smoking.  However I told myself I am trying to hard (mindset)  but find myself thinking bad about myself and think I should do more cleaning.

However it is just me putting myself down (I am not doing my exercise, playing my keyboard and not doing my crafts which I called these kind of things my rituals.  To tell  the truth they seemed to help my mind and I wasn’t just doing housework.  One side of me felt more fulfilled and more of a person.

So I am going to put those negative thoughts about me out of my mind.  I will go back to my rituals or interests.  Thank you for reading this and being with me on my journey.

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Shyness Gone

31 Oct

I did go to the event I posted about.  I paid 25 Dollars  for the ticket and it was well spent.  I came home with more than the ticket cost.

I  walked in and gave my ticket.  A lady gave me a beautiful bag.  I walked around to each table.  I collected information about health and beauty.  It was located outside in a shopping center,  one that is high ended or up whatever.  I saw this table with beautiful pink T shirts on it.  It had early breastfeeding cancer detection on it.  I was surprised that they said it was free.  I have worn it since with pride.

We were also given a bag with fun stuff in it, one was a beautiful scarf.  IT ended with a fashion show and dinner.

Now you can see why I go to this Caring For Me (that is what it is called) event every year.

 

A Decent & Enjoyable Lifestyle

26 Sep

I want to go to an event this week, Thursday, that the hospital I got my breast cancer treatment.is giving. I bought my ticket and have a nice outfit to wear.  I have attended this event the last two years and it was a lot of fun.

There was nice ladies who were friendly and I enjoyed the program and delicious food. So what’s the problem..  All sorts of panic thoughts come to mind.  Will I be alright and enjoy this time?  Of course I will.  The problem is the last time I wanted to go to something I didn’t make it.  It was just a church festival but really wanted to go.  For some reason I didn’t make it.  I was tired and felt negative.

I wonder if I just let everything get me down and can’t be like I want to be.  Something holds me back.    Well I’ll just overcome this and be me again.  Thank you.

 

So Where Do I Go From Here

23 May

I have had my mamogram and results are cancer free.  I have listened to motivation and inspiration speakers until am blue.  I am stopping listening to how to live and realize I have to broaden my outlook and live.  I can do somethings I was reluctant to do and I mean just everyday housework.  I try now and realize I can.  What slows me down is arthiritis.  I won’t let that make me feel down but will keep on with my hobbies and feel good about myself.

I call my hobbies rituals because they are stress relievers. playing the keyboard, reading, and crafts, planners.  I love those.  I will dance even if it’s just around the house.  I have social anxiety about going to clubs because I didn’t like it after a while because things happen.  However I know that one day I’ll wake up and be ready to go maybe a sports bar or club whatever.  My social anxiety may be valid and not mental.  One of my neighbor’s son got killed trying to break up a fight and this has happened to many times.   However my instinct will tell be when it’s right.  I hope that this post will help others with issues.

 

Zip my Mouth Up.

25 Apr

viI will learn to zip my mouth rather than offend, not to offer advice when I know it,s just how I do things and may not be the right thing for someone else. aily Prompt: Zip  However when I feel the need to defend I will unzip.  I will express myself when I should and not to judge others.

However when someone offends me I will let them know.  If they choose to still offend and don,t zip it up I will not argue but know that this is not a friend that I need to associate with.

Depression Won’t Beat Me

9 Apr

I’ve been reading posts and articles about depression.  Yes I fight it and I won’t let it conquer me.  I will keep fighting it and keep going especially when I have the energy to     do things.     That’s when I know I am winning.  Yes there are bad days when I haven’t slept the night before and I am  a hot mess and too weak to do anything.

However I get myself together and self talk. I tell myself it’s just a state of mind.  The funny thing about me is when I can be active I have to tell myself to slow down and stop racing.  I am afraid of being manic and doing and doing even late at night and becoming sick.

I am going to close because it is late but I hope I have helped someone by sharing this.

Darkness

8 Jul

 

It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I can’t stand to get out of bed in the morning.  If only I could wake up full of energy, happy to start another day.  I pray that it will leave.  It’s like a demon from hell that wants to hold me down and does.

Sometimes the darkness leaves and I am happy and bubbly but afraid knowing it will come back  Is it that I am afraid to be.happy that I think I have to suffer?  I know it’s not so because God wants us to be happy .  I just don[t know how to stop these guilt filled thoughts and the hate which these thoughts are but they are not me.